What do you do if you want to share the financial responsibility but your Other Half doesn’t think it’s fair to contribute towards your expenses? If you’re wondering if spouses should split finances, you’re in the right place!
In this episode, we looked at a brilliant anonymous question from our HIGM Facebook Group, as well as responses from the community. We ended with expert advice on how to tackle this situation and some other topics you should discuss with your Other Half (preferably before you get married).
The anonymous question:
“We got to talking about finances. Me being me I just assumed that we would share all our money as we both work full time and will soon start paying a mortgage on a house we are buying together. Turns out I jumped the gun because he thinks that the ideal financial arrangement would be that we both contribute equally to the running costs of a home, holidays etc.
I have my own car and pay the loan, insurance etc for that. I’m a new driver so insurance is stiff. He doesn’t need a car as he works from home and anyway we are on a good bus route. So obviously I’m going to have very little left at the end of the month as my wages are a lot less. I’m thinking about maternity leave too and how I’ll manage with less money.
Anyway, my question is how do other people organise all of this? Is this the usual run of the mill scenario? I’m embarrassed now that I never had this conversation and got it so wrong.”
Some people said –
“Why should you pay for more than him if you’ll be driving him around?”
“Financial independence is very important. Why should he have to pay for your car?”
“We do things together. It’s not what’s mine is mine and hers is hers.”
“My money is my money and his is his. I don’t ask what he does and he doesn’t ask me. I couldn’t imagine sharing as I’d feel like I’d have to ask for money to do the things I like, eg nails and lashes.”
A member of the community summed it up perfectly:
“It’s better to discuss things before getting married so both parties are on the same page. Sometimes things like finances can be deal breakers. I don’t think that anyone can advise you what to do nor should you take what other couples do and approach your fiance with “well this is what other couples do”. Your finances are literally only you and your fiancé’s business and you both have to come to a decision jointly or it will never work out especially when it’s to do with money. There is no right or wrong, only what is right for you both. There has to be compromise on both sides.”
Your pre-marriage course is a brilliant space to discuss finances (and other things – listed below) to make sure you are on the same page. There’s no right or wrong response, just the one that works best for you as a couple. As long as you are on the same page as each other, you’re winning!
Here are other topics you should discuss (preferably before you get married):
- Your friends: It’s completely healthy to spend time with a joint friendship group and to have friends of your own. It’s not healthy to spend all your time with other people and it’s equally unhealthy to isolate yourself from community. Discuss how you’d like to approach this.
- Household chores: Many petty arguments stem from household chores not being done. Your partner can’t read your mind, so discuss expectations!
- The in-laws: How often would you like to spend time with your parents and in-laws? What conversations are you happy to discuss with them?
- Bucket list: Do you have ambitions to travel or have children? Discuss these dreams and goals with your partner.
Submit your own anonymous question:
Just email [email protected] if you’ve got an anonymous question of your own and we’ll get the wedding planning experts to weigh in!